April 20, 2019 | by Tricia Parido | Master Coach at Turning Leaves Recovery Life and Wellness Coaching
This is a big question. Do you live to see your romantic partner and crave to meet their every need? Is your schedule dictated by the whims of your children (of any age)? Can you say no or not right now to a sibling or a close friend who always needs something? What about your boss or colleagues, do they derail your flow of work?
There are so many different types of relationships to consider. How you interact with any of these people in your life may vary drastically depending on how reliant you feel you are on the relationship’s existence or (more frequently seen) how much you feel validated by your role within it!
For example; when your phone rings and it’s your sister or mother, do they start the conversation with, “I need” and “can you”? Do you generally modify your schedule to allow the request to be squeezed in? How do your chats with friends go? Does it sound like a laundry list of woe’s they need support getting through? Perhaps they frequently ask to get together, pick a location, yet you always pick up the tab!
What about your spouse or partner? Take a look; are the things you talk about more like an assistants to do list rather than a coming together of minds that decide together how, when, and by whom the needed item will be best addressed? You may even see some version in all the above from your children, especially those in adolescence and young adult stages.
And then there is your professional relationships. Observe how frequently you are pulled away from your task at hand because someone else needs help with their own. Do you ever hear “when you have a minute, I could use your help” or “when do you have a chunk of time that you can spare?” Do you feel that you have the autonomy to listen to the request coming in and dictate when you are willing to deviate from your own agenda?
These are all signs that you do not value yourself more than others. It is also a sign that the relationships you are nurturing do not value your needs either. But then why would they? You haven’t modeled to them any other way to be in a relationship with you.
What this does show are co-dependency and attachment issues that you can find recovery from with the right intervention, the conditioning of effective life skills, and an improved lifestyle. Finding the right support to guide you out of these addictive behaviors is a great place to start. I recommend considering a recovery coach who can also act as an interventionist and life coach because the right one will understand the addiction to external validations.
At Turning Leaves Recovery, Life and Wellness Coaching you will find that our Building Milestones program taught by a Certified Recovery Coach will get you right where you need to be for the reconditioning process your Certified Life Coach will take you through the Not So Normal Faces of Addiction recovery process.
Request a consultation today to see if you qualify as a candidate to work with our team.