Life Unfolds! How well do you handle the surprises?

May 6, 2019 | by Tricia Parido | Master Coach at Turning Leaves Recovery Life and Wellness Coaching

 

No matter how long you have been in recovery it is important that you stay prepared for ‘life’ situations to happen in ways opposite from what you had imagined.

In my journey of repair and rebuild I have run into many exchanges and events that, well, were just baffling to me because I could not comprehend what may have driven them to happen. I don’t have the ability to see the reason behind manipulation, backstabbing, sabotage, dishonesty, or just plain ole’ ruthlessness. Especially when, in my opinion, nothing was done to provoke or warrant this inappropriate type of behavior and its action appears to merely be because of spite.

What I have learned over the years is this…. People will do hurtful and hateful acts because they are insecure. Insecure with themselves, with their actions, with their motives. And generally, I find that this insecurity is because they have frequently chosen to take shortcuts, manipulate outcomes, and use others to create gain for themselves.

I know this because I have trained myself to slow down my knee jerk reactiveness to lash out verbally, retaliate, or be vindictive. I take the time to ask, “how much of this really has to do with me?” “what pieces of the issue come from an external source?” and “what, if anything, do I need to do going forward to improve the situation?”. I must stay focused on my mission, my vision, my purpose. I must remain true to myself, honoring what I believe in, and what I stand for. Admitting or apologizing only when I have caused harm or done wrong.

Now there is a great deal of other stress management techniques that I use within this process. It takes a great deal of work, self-control, and self-respect to take the higher ground when ‘life’ situations present with what I consider to be unethical or unscrupulous acts. Which is why I am so thankful that I took the time to write the Building Milestones life skill curriculum workbook. I don’t just use it when I am engaged as a Certified Recovery Coach or Certified Life Coach. I use the work in my daily life. It is the way I live my life.

If in your daily life you find that situations and their outcomes aren’t in line with how you would prefer them to unfold or are as baffled as I frequently am, reach out. My ‘Not the Normal Faces of Addiction’, ‘Life and Wellness’, ‘Addiction Treatment Transition to Life’, and ‘Tune Up Your Recovery, Relapse Prevention’ programs put you in touch with a Certified Life Coach and Certified Recovery Coach that will relate to your personal needs and how to help you incorporate the Building Milestones life skills.

Are your thoughts stressing you out? How often do you use ‘should’ or say ‘yes’? The answer could be what is keeping your life frantic!

April 30, 2019 | by Tricia Parido | Master Coach at Turning Leaves Recovery Life and Wellness Coaching

Are your thoughts stressing you out? How often do you use ‘should’ or say ‘yes’? The answer could be what is keeping your life frantic!

Have you ever taken the time to keep track of how many times in a day you ‘should’ yourself?

Perhaps this sounds like; I should weigh less (or more), I should be more organized, I should always look ‘put together’, I should keep my feelings to myself, I should know what he/she needs or wants, I should be more active, I should keep my needs to myself, I should say yes when asked for help. Continue to add, edit, delete if something you say ‘should’ to yourself about jumps into your mind.

The overall way in which a person sees themselves and the world through ‘shoulds’ has an enormous impact on their personal well-being, how they ‘care’ for themselves, and how they live their life. Over time these ‘shoulds’ become absolutes, a personal set of rules to be followed at any cost.

There was a significant period of my life that my daily routine was built on the foundation of pressure-filled should statements that, at that time, I believed were what drove me to be productive, fit, useful, and so on. But what I didn’t see then was that those thoughts also produced feelings of lacking self-worth, failure, and defeat.

My ‘shoulds’ had become my unquestionable truths. Rules to be followed. And at the end I came to believe that if I didn’t get every item on my to-do list done, the number on the scale crept up, the laundry wasn’t put away, or if I was unable to say ‘yes’ to another’s needs I had become useless and unworthy.

What do you do now?

Start by keeping track of your pressure statements. How many times in a day do you ‘should’ yourself?

Look for evidence to support or dispute them. Think of this as a pro’s vs con’s list. Ask yourself what would happen if I were to ignore my statement for just one day?

Try a revision of your statement. Can you restate it in a way that no longer sounds like a demand or a slam on you the person?

Ask yourself why you believe your statements are true. Seek to find the underlying cause. Are you giving power to something untrue and letting it influence how well you live your life?

Most people I work with as a life coach or recovery coach find that they have been clinging to certain beliefs that they never thought to question or challenge, they either just assumed they were facts, didn’t realize how terrible their internal dialogue was, or simply didn’t think they had a choice about the direction their thoughts went.

This is because they don’t have a trained intervention professional to provide the right guidance. Nobody has told them they could doubt or dispute their beliefs. They didn’t have someone showing them how to adopt thoughts that are healthier or more helpful when self-defeating issues arise. They don’t know how to pause and shift their thinking. They haven’t defined what their core beliefs are about their worthiness for self-love, honor, and respect. They don’t have a structure set up to be successful day after day by knowing how to fill emotional voids with esteem-building words or activities. They don’t know how to shift their perceptions at any moment away from the negative into the positive. And they haven’t identified how they would rather their life to look and how they want to see themselves in it.

The fact is, people, struggle with pressure-filled negative self-talk every day. That is why I launched Turning Leaves, Recovery, Life, and Wellness Coaching and the Building Milestones curriculum offered within the individual programs. To serve people, in need of Life and Wellness Coaching.

So, if you are looking for a Certified Life Coach or a program that truly works in your life, right where you are, call me!

If you want to be reconnected with life, regain a sense of self, and develop personal control. Visit the website. turningleavesrecovery.com

Consultations are welcomed. Why not learn about how we can serve you, no matter where you are.